9--My Release from the Cells

After another long night in the cells with only my dark thoughts for company things began to bustle along. My door was opened and I was given my coat and glasses. I was handcuffed to a guard and led to a holding cell with a few others. There were about 6 cells in all and about 5 people each in 3 of them. Most of my companions seemed to be regular visitors here and some had been arrested on Hogmanay. It seems a common Police tactic at holiday times to do a sweep of bail jumpers and community service defaulters on the Friday before a holiday weekend. This ensures the maximum possible time in the cells. Spending time in Bell Street cells is feared by anyone who's already tasted it and a common phrase I've heard is "I'd rather spend a week in Perth Prison than a night in Bell Street."

I was taken to speak to a duty solicitor who told me I would appear in Court shortly. He said I would be granted bail and I'd be free in an hour or so. I was handcuffed again and taken up some very narrow stairs into Court. I confirmed my name, the charges were read out and I was given bail.

I was released from the handcuffs, given back my possessions and shoved out into the main corridor where Dave, my brother-in-law (also Dave) and Karen were waiting. Boy was I glad they were there but I still greeted them sheepishly. I don't remember much about the car journey back to Dave's but the whole gang turned up and I was moved and touched by the support shown by everyone. I hadn't eaten for 3 days and so Karen went off to make me an omelette while I recounted the events of Hogmanay to my friends.

And the rest is a blank. I don't remember what time we left Dave's. I don't remember going home. The next few days are hidden in a thick fog. I don't know what's going on with me ... am I blocking things out now or did I forget to remember certain things at the time? I really can't tell. Either way I'm beginning to realise, as I try to reconstruct the events for this blog, that I have huge gaps in my memory. Mostly events surrounding Karen. I remember complaining in a jokey way to her that the omelette was a bit rubbery. After 3 days of starvation you'd think I'd wolf it down. No, I complained. Joking or not this now seems to have been the beginning of a behaviour pattern that would have disastrous consequences, and I'm only discovering it now. I think it's important that I push on with the blog and try to shine some light into the darkest corners of my mind. It's somewhat distressing to find I've obviously erased a lot of events from the past year from my memory and I'm pretty certain they are gone for good. Maybe in my mental explorations I'll find out why.

I don't, however, have a problem remembering the events of  THAT summer  ...